Several fascinating members of the bird family have recently come to my attention. One of these is the American Coot. The American Coot is noisy, aggressively territorial, and will steal food from other coots when eating. Although they sound remarkably similar they are not to be confused with the coots who wear Bermuda shorts, dark socks, feed in cafeterias, and winter in Florida.
Read MoreThere are some things in life that will always be a mystery. A family in Norway had just sat down to a nice quiet dinner of sardines and reindeer when the doorbell rang. The father looked through the peephole but could not tell who it was, although he could hear heavy breathing. They looked out the window and discovered a moose at the front door. I have two questions. Why can you never see anything through a peephole? How did the moose know to use the doorbell?
Read MoreCommunication is a wonderful invention. It has brought together such diverse personalities as rock musicians and dentists through unintelligible grunts. A dentist can understand every word you say even though your mouth has tooth parts flying in all directions, a grappling hook large enough to snag a whale is digging out leftover chicken between your teeth, and a sub-atomic vacuum, similar to those used to gut a mackerel, is sucking out all your bodily fluids.
Read MoreThrough the years my family has survived infestations of mice, possums, squirrels, horse flies, worms, goldfish, dance recitals, tournament softball, one psychedelic experiment with orange walls in the late 1970’s, and a nightmarish episode with hamsters. As of today we have avoided the frogs and locusts. Let me tell you about another sojourn several years ago to the land of Pharaoh. This trip involved wasps. These were no ordinary wasps. They were Jurassic wasps. They didn’t just sting . . . they carried cordless drills and stun guns.
Read MoreI try to live a simple life. But for several Chihuahua emergencies involving a bumblebee, a flyswatter, a mousetrap, and a rubber glove, I lead a quiet and sheltered life. With the possible exception of a bizarre and somewhat over-publicized incident in college years ago involving a used hot dog pizza, a nighttime visit to a bronze tiger statue (a replica of our mascot), streaking, a powerful set of headlights and an obviously stunned driver, I am seldom visibly shaken.
Read MoreThis week my hair stands up with excitement and my split ends join together in quiet celebration. Put on your Sunday best while I tell you . . . drum roll, please . . . I was notified through the mail (please control your emotions) that I have been pre-approved to be admitted into a correspondence school to become a pet groomer, something to fall back on when this minister gig quits on me.
Read MoreIf we were playing “Jeopardy,” the answer would be “The person in the Bible who smelled most like the inside of a fish.” Your question could be, “Who was John the Baptist?” You would be close. He did have a strange diet. The correct question would be, “Who was Jonah?” We know the story but let me refresh your memory. God had a job for him to do and told him to go to Nineveh. Jonah, in one of his more brain-impaired moments, thought he could run from God and fled in the opposite direction toward Tarshishkabob but only got as far as Tarshish.
Read MoreIn June of 1997, I took my first trip with the senior adults of Springfield Baptist Church. At that time they innocently called themselves the LLL Club. During that first trip I discovered it meant Laughter, Leave, and Leftover – Laughter, because there was a lot of it; Leave, as in the phrase “taken leave of their senses”; and Leftover, as in the sentence “whenever we ate there was nothing leftover.” We got the bus loaded (the only way we could get the bus to agree to go was to get it loaded) and headed for Natchez, Mississippi along the Natchez Trace.
Read MoreI love watching movies. Nothing beats the sensation when you get up out of your seat and your feet make a giant sucking noise because of the three-inch layer of spilled soft drinks, melted $12.00 chocolate bars, and dead gummi bears . . . and that’s just in my den. It is much worse at the theater.
Read MoreI love parties. My idea of the perfect party is me sitting in my recliner with caffeine free Mt. Dew, some cheese dip and chips, a John Wayne movie, and a box of dog biscuits. Those are for the Chihuahuas. They get bored with John Wayne after about two hours. If I’m living on the edge that particular day I will put extra jalapenos in the cheese dip. Sometimes, and this is rare, when I really want to do something off the wall I won’t use the remote control.
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